Find Me A Job!

I've been feeling quite useless the past week. Bumming around isn't as
fun as it used to be.I realize now that bumming is so overrated.


The
last time I did it, bumming was after working for JVP Central Office,
but I take that as a different case. With JVP I was working 10-12hours
a day (in the office) and like an ER doctor, was on call 24 hours a day
anytime the volunteers needed us. During seminars and trainings work
was really 24 hours a day, barely getting sleep with those formal and
informal ICs (individual consultations). So when I bummed around for
about 2 months I didn't get bored easily since it felt like it was a
much deserved and needed rest.


But the last job I had was more
flexible in time and I still had some time to do freelance work on the
side. So work hours were not so normal and rest wasn't exactly scarce
(although the stress with the boss was on its ultimate high as compared
to my 2 other bosses in JVP and my boss in Philam Foundation).


Not working is such a self-esteem issue now. I feel a bit
guilty just watching all those dvds at home, experimenting on cooking
and baking, and swimming - it feels like I'm wasting much of the skills
and talents that has been bestowed to me by God. My messianic complex
is making me feel that I'm doing such an injustice to the world by not
working when I can and I should. And sometimes when I'm out with
acquaintes and friends and they talk about their jobs I think - "I can
be as good as her or I think I have better ideas than him, why the hell
is he on that post?Duh!?" It doesn't help that I started the year
jobless and that I'm turning 25 in a few months. Hay!


Find me
job. Problem is, don't ask what I want because as crazy as it sounds, I
actually don't know what I really want anymore. I wish I did. I wish I
didn't bother myself with the many things I want to do - I wish I only
had one choice. Like those med students who are sure they want to be
doctors or those teachers who feel that teaching is their lifelong
vocation. I wish I knew, I really wish I did.


I want to be based back in Davao
badly. But I want a job which will atleast pay what is due of me. And I
do need the medical insurance, those tests can be quite expensive.Most davao offices don't have med insurance, I wonder why.


When
did I start getting old this fast?How can we make growing up stop? I
wish I was still 19, ideal and with a lot of time in my hands.