How do you keep the romance going?
First off, I admit that there it’s a bit pathetic that I speak of work in the context of “romance” – but yes this is about work, much as a part of me would have probably wanted this to be about my “wishful” thinking relationship with a certain TV personality/childhood crush. ahahaha
This time last year, without even needing to look at archives – I know that my status on social networking sites, musings and blogs would only speak highly and greatly of the work that I do for the IP (Indigenous Peoples) Youth here in Mindanao. In September 2010, we held workshops for the youth in Upper Pulangi, mainly focusing on the development of mother tongue-multilingual education being given to children in Sitio Bendum, Bukidnon and how their story and the school is being looked at as a model for MLE in Asia by SEAMEO and UNESCO. It was also an opportune time to discuss their contribution to the environment, being in “Upper Pulangi” and the river being the source of power for the Maramag Dam (amongst other services it provides). On October 3-5, 2010, I brought 30 youth to CARAGA to look at the mining situation and have a short engagement with the Mamanwa community directly affected by “mining.” No judgements during the visit, we just wanted them to think and judge for themselves. It was an eye opener – for them and even for myself. (Incidentally, the exact area was bombed and attacked by rebel groups exactly a year October 4-5, 2011)
Around this time last year, the first batch of our youth trainees, were finishing their 2month modular training with us. It was such a busy first 3 months being back with ESSC – and quite honestly, it has never really been not busy ever since. But the point is, everything was on a roll: Spirits and Hopes were high and Passion was as overflowing as the dam/s that caused flooding in Bulacan and Thailand. While I semi-suffered from missing the big, urban city life filled with friends, food and leisure choices – my work always kept me going and going and going, like an “energizer” bunny.
We are running the 4th batch of Youth Training this year. Part of our training is the daily psycho-spiritual sharing in the evening. We seek to develop sense of reflection and gratitude amongst the trainees. One night, we were simply sharing recent “happiest and saddest moments” in life. I was listening to the stories of 3-4 participants when my mind flew to thinking about my own “happy moment” – a recent one at that (meaning work related because everything has been work, work, work). I was stuck! I tried harder to think of joyous moments and occasions, particularly at work but I couldn’t think of any – nothing came into mind.
The evening sharing finished and I still couldn’t recall any happy moment at work. It was a sad realization. The romance, the high – it was all over. I couldn’t think of a recent “Aha!”Moment or a new inspirational story. I thought to myself – “Uh,oh. Not good.”
So what happens now that it seems like work has been just about “work” itself – about completing one task and one event after the other? Buried in the numerous reports and articles to write, along with new writings to conceptualize – how does one swim leisurely? How does one thread the salty waters of continuous waves; waves that are strong at times but mostly mellow and boring? How can one keep the fire burning when the “honeymoon” is over
I then start to go back to the “privilege” I once noted as an element I saw in my accepting this job based in Bukidnon. I still see my work as privilege, more than anything else, to be an instrument of opportunity for the marginalized IP Youth. My continued engagement to the tribal community/ies in Upper Pulangi, whom I first met 10 years ago- when I was truly young (at 19 years old), very idealistic, hopeful and unafraid to make a mistake, still is one of the most beautiful blessings in my life. I should still be filled with a great sense of gratitude and joy – I should be, even if at first glance I am not.
Every night, during the sharing sessions with our youth trainees, Gratitude is given importance. Even when we speak of unfortunate and sad moments or share about our innermost struggles and desires, we (the facilitators) try to find a way to bring it to a level of appreciation: even in our deepest sorrows, there is a learning we ought to be thankful for; even in pain there was once joy which we should be grateful for and even in the most mundane of days, the simple fact that we are alive needs to be celebrated. Fully reflecting on my own words to my trainees, it’s poignant to realize how much I needed for somebody else to tell me that – for me to hear that and be reminded of simple happiness. I heard it well and in my own voice. What was surprising was that the voice wasn’t hypocrite at all, in fact while it did not sound like a preacher, it sounded quite convinced and hopeful.
When it is "LIFE" already, what can I do? (I was asking myself this on the short walk home to my apartment). It dawned on me that it hasn't been a question of What Can I Do rather What have I been Doing?... When the waves are too moderate and boring, I make my own GIANT New Waves (acknowledging the fact that I'll be blaming, and cursing, myself along the way for creating such) of challenges to reignite the passion. When work seems to simply be one task after the other, I break the monotony of things (yes, admittedly even to the point of deliberately missing non-crucial deadline -P.S. Do not tell the boss) by re-arranging schedules and adding crazy ideas to the safe and trusted plans and modules. I unleash the "Magis" taught in me and "try" to bring out the 19yr old risk taker once in awhile, even though it gets harder each day with my age and all that. Lastly, I seek the well-behaved, Jesuit brainwashed person in me and do the most Ignatian thing - Find God in All Things. Then, AHA! The joyful and gratitude moments kick in.
So what happens when the “romance” mellows down – life happens… And (this, especially to those who know me well, will not sound like me) there is still so much to be joyous and thankful for because “Life is Beautiful!”... Now let’s make it sound more like ME: Life is Beautiful, MOST of the TIME
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